Aconite
Aconite sat in his car and zoned out to Eye of the Tiger while he waited for his girlfriend to get the pizza takeout from inside. She came out of the pizzeria with two whole boxes and smiled at him.
As she opened the door Aconite turned down his music.
"Hey did you know they give you a free soda if you order two boxes?" Clivia expressed.
"Shit nice. Did you get....Ohhhhhhh!!!" Aconite let out a passionate belt of joy.
"Yup, they actually had it. A whole fucking liter of Crystal Pepsi"
"No...fucking...way"
"No yea, and they couldn't even tell me where they got it from"
"Fuuuuuuck"
"Yea, so we are not drinking this."
"Clivia nooooo" Aconite let out a moan.
"Nope, we're giving it a mantle somewhere, and so when people come over we'll finally have something interesting to talk about."
"You are the fucking worst."
"Oh I know." Clivia smirked at Aconite and that got him really horny, but he thought it best to probably save the entertainment for back at home.
Aconite and Clivia drove to Clivia's apartment where her roomate stood there right in the kitchen, nude.
"Aconite! No" Clivia stammered at him as he walked in
Aconite tried to look away but he'd already gotten a peek of everything laying around and exposed like that.
"If he ever wants a piece of this ass he can fucking get it. I don't care." Clivia's roomate said broodingly, eyes in a dead stare at the fridge, completely empty except for a jar of expired pickles.
"Iris!!! Shut up. I am not having this conversation with you right now, you are stark naked. Buttass naked." Clivia pushed Aconite into her room while he covered his eyes and tried his best not to make it look like he was stealing glances.
Clivia opened the box of pizza up on her bed and turned on the television so she and Aconite could eat and watch.
"Look I know you have a crush on my roomate but you don't have to make it so fucking obvious."
"I feel bad! I mean we're dating!"
"Oh please, we've been dating for five years, I am not worried about you leaving. Besides, I feel like couples should be able to play out their fantasies with each other."
"Is that what you've been doing with me?"
Clivia completely paused chewing on her pizza. She suddenly felt exposed.
"Uhm yea I guess..."
"Because I don't fucking look like that guy at the pizza parlor. I don't have abs! You can see his abs through his fucking shirt!"
"I know...I know, I know, your not Agave."
"Well now that that's out of the way...that time I had you that sweatshirt, ya know the pink one with the Atari logo on it..."
"Yea what about it-" Clivia's face suddenly lit up in realization. "Oh my God, you did not!" Clivia slapped Aconite's shoulder.
"Yea sorry, your roomate wears that same thing...every day. I saw it in the store and just thought it'd be hot..."
"You are a sicko!" Clivia laughed and hit Aconite with a pillow.
Aconite smiled embarassed. "I know, I'm sorry"
"Well here's to five years and counting" Clivia and Aconite toasted their pizza's feeling satisfied by how smooth that conversation did not go.